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November 2013

White Powder on the Scales of Justice

The Counselor (2013)

Kerry Brown/20th Century Fox

Some movies are made to stir the intellect and demonstrate what humans are truly capable of. Some movies are made to arouse the senses and explore every nuance of physical and emotional sensation. Some movies are made to astonish with colossal danger and showmanship, whether through real stunts or incredible virtual effects. And some movies are made to be watched by horny virgins who are stoned out of their gourds. “The Counselor” is most definitely the latter.

Not since “Blue Velvet” has Hollywood gone so high- and low-brow in a single movie. “The Counselor” looks great, has outstanding costume design and a real feel for the interior design tastes of midlevel drug dealers in Texas and Mexico. It has Cameron Diaz — with a perfect manicure and covered in cheetah tattoos — doing unspeakable things to her boyfriend’s Ferrari (more on which later). It also has Rosie Perez offering to give Michael Fassbender a blow job. THIS MOVIE HAS ROSIE PEREZ IN IT. And it is so bad it will undoubtedly become a classic like “Showgirls.”

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