Critic's Notebook

When 'Pirates' Becomes the Pirated

Central Pictures Corporation

By M. TSAI

If you were one of the 9 million people who illegally downloaded “Fast Five,” it might not occur to you that 2011 was a magnificent year at the movies. And you wouldn’t be interested in any of the myriad 10-best lists, let alone one you’re about to read from some obscure critic. This is not about fancy art films with subtitles being more legitimate than Hollywood blockbusters. If you pride yourself on being a movie buff, you would insist on seeing “Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol” in Imax. Then you would agree that 2011 was indeed awesome. But since you already know movies like “Hugo,” “A Dangerous Method,” “The Tree of Life,” “Melancholia” and “The Descendants” to be great, this list champions films that need a little cosmic extra push.

This Genre Will Self-Improve in Five Seconds

MOVIE REVIEW
Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol (2011)

By M. TSAI

David James/Paramount Pictures

You’ll be glad that “Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol” isn’t in 3-D, especially if you suffer from acrophobia. As you might recall, Tom Cruise made headlines a year ago dangling from the tallest building in the world — Dubai’s Burj Khalifa — some 1,700 feet above ground. You’re going to feel every dizzying inch as the camera slowly pans above his head to reveal the ground beneath when he begins climbing outside a window on the 109th floor and scaling up to the 130th. Mr. Cruise probably deserves an Oscar and then some just for pulling off this stunt. It’s truly difficult to imagine anyone not clutching his or her armrests for dear life during this vertigo-inducing scene.

The Wind Will Tarry Us

MOVIE REVIEW
Once Upon a Time in Anatolia (2011)

By M. TSAI

Memento Films

In the beginning, “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” seems to signal a major departure for Turkish auteur Nuri Bilge Ceylan. With its lush, warm colors and timeless fable-like quality, the film is at first glance nothing like Mr. Ceylan’s meditations on urban alienation. In a long shot, golden headlight beams sweep through the darkness and ignite the Anatolian steppe like comets in the night sky. A caravan of cars wriggles across the hilly countryside amid stops that are virtually indistinguishable from each other as if in an Abbas Kiarostami movie, carrying cops, a prosecutor, a doctor, a few gendarmes, some gravediggers and a pair of murder suspects searching in vain for a corpse. They argue, wax poetic and bond in the course of the twilight-zone journey. But once they unearth the body, it finally becomes apparent that Mr. Ceylan is treading familiar territory after all.

The Psycho of Abuse

MOVIE REVIEW
House at the End of the Street (2012)

By M. TSAI

Jennifer Lawrence has wasted no time parlaying her Oscar nod from indie darling “Winter’s Bone” to land roles in Hollywood blockbusters like “X-Men: First Class” and “The Hunger Games.” But striking while the iron is hot hasn’t boded well for the careers of many an actress with similar prospects. Like, what’s Elisabeth Shue been up to lately? Oh, she’s been in “Piranha 3D” and some teen horror flick called “House at the End of the Street,” which also stars … none other than Ms. Lawrence! We are happy to report, though, that this isn’t some sort of karmic and prophetic cautionary tale about the Oscar curse, because “House at the End of the Street” actually turns out to be kind of decent.

It Pays to Be a Spinner

MOVIE REVIEW
Act of Valor (2012)

By MARTIN TSAI

Relativity Media

Just when you’re safe from the onslaught of torture porn, Hollywood has a new form of sensory assault: military porn. No, we’re not talking about Dirk Yates (googling him would be NSFW). “Act of Valor” is a new drama that proudly boasts a cast of active-duty Navy Seals. Their wooden acting and monotonous line delivery are comparable to those of porn stars. But the dramatic scenes are few and far between amid the “action” sequences, if you catch our drift. So, no, we’re not being facetious for calling the film military porn.

Show Me the Monkey

MOVIE REVIEW
We Bought a Zoo (2011)

By MARTIN TSAI

Neal Preston/20th Century Fox

With “We Bought a Zoo,” Cameron Crowe has more or less remade “Jerry Maguire” with cuddly wuddly animals in place of memorable one-liners. The new film is about that same foolhardy idealism that drives a man to stake everything he has.

Although based on a true story, the film has inexplicably transported the Dartmoor Zoological Park from the county of Devon in southwest England to southern California. After his son Dylan (Colin Ford) is expelled from school for various antisocial transgressions, widower Benjamin Mee (Matt Damon) decides it’s time for a change of scenery. So he quits his job at the Los Angeles Times and squanders an inheritance on a decrepit countryside zoo. While Mr. Crowe and co-writer Aline Brosh McKenna have preserved many details in the trans-Atlantic migration, they are seemingly oblivious to the fact that real-life Mr. Mee’s former employer, the Guardian, has just launched an American edition.

The Ageless Innocence

MOVIE REVIEW
Hugo (2011)

By MARTIN TSAI

Jaap Buitendijk/Paramount Pictures

One would expect any hardcore Scorsese fan to greet “Hugo” with some measure of trepidation: Has Martin Scorsese finally lost it? Could this PG-rated 3-D fantasy-adventure in fact be his equivalent of Francis Ford Coppola’s Robin Williams-Jennifer Lopez flick, “Jack”? Happily, such is not the case. In essence, “Hugo” the family-friendly extravaganza is only a pretext for Mr. Scorsese’s big-budget love letter to Georges Méliès and for his propaganda film championing moving-image archiving and preservation. You can pretty much tell the auteur was sleepwalking through all the C.G.I.-laden set pieces. But when the movie ventures into his passion-project territories, it comes more alive than any 3-D gimmickry.

It Takes More Than a Good Man to Prevent a Catastrophe

MOVIE REVIEW
The Three Musketeers (2011)

By MARTIN TSAI

Rolf Konow/Summit Entertainment

Not sure what Alexandre Dumas père ever did to deserve having “The Three Musketeers” defiled for the big screen more than 20 times. With the exception of the 1921 Douglas Fairbanks and the 1948 George Sidney versions, few are even remotely watchable. It seems that with each new stab at upping the ante, the story’s quality takes another hit. If you don’t think it can possibly get worse than the one with Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O’Donnell and Oliver Platt from 1993, just wait until you see the new 3-D treatment.

Pupukahi I Holomua

MOVIE REVIEW
The Descendants (2011)

By MARTIN TSAI

Fox Searchlight Pictures

“The Descendants” is at a serious disadvantage when held up against other films by Alexander Payne. But that’s only because Jim Taylor’s whip-smart dialogue is noticeably absent this time (although he is still onboard as a producer). Once you get past the screenplay’s higgledy-piggledy treatment of Kaui Hart Hemmings’s source novel, the film ultimately proves another success for Mr. Payne. To wit, he convincingly pulls off the central conceit that a woman in her right mind would actually cheat on George Clooney with Matthew Lillard, which is no small feat if you really think about it.

A History of Conformance

MOVIE REVIEW
A Dangerous Method (2011)

By MARTIN TSAI

Liam Daniel/Sony Pictures Classics

Many of those who have seen “A Dangerous Method” have complained about it not being Cronenbergian enough. Although it revolves around two titans in the field of psychology, the film isn’t that psycho-thriller you’re expecting and doesn’t showcase anything nearly as spectacular as Miranda Richardson juggling three roles. Think of it instead as the David Cronenberg equivalent of David Lynch’s “The Straight Story.” Essentially, “A Dangerous Method” is a deeply political cautionary tale from a staunch atheist about the price of conformity and repression.